Welcoming a new year alone is difficult.
I lost you, my love, and now my life is no longer the same. Did you see my crying? Slumped on the floor, staring at your urn?
How I wish you were still with me. But no, that would be so selfish of me. You were in so much pain. I know you hated being confined in bed, unable to sit or stand. I know you hated to put me through a life attending to your needs 24/7. I was tired, yes, I admit that. But I never wanted you to go.
We never said goodbye to each other. I woke up seeing you gasping for breath and unresponsive. I was scared. Very scared. Then you were gone. I was livid. I could not cry. I did not believe what happened.
You must have been so confused. I know you did not want to go. We were supposed to come home the following week after your surgery. But things took a turn and I came home ALONE.
I know that in Heaven, you are at peace. No more ouchies, and you got your mobility back. Have you met my Mama and Daddy? I am sure you have. They probably thanked you for loving me. How is your mom and dad? I am sure you have a lot of catching up to do.
Please give my parents a big bear hug for me. And pet Bite for me too. I am sure you are taking long walks with him up there in heaven.
I miss you, Poppa bear. I miss my smart sweetie pie. I miss your jokes, I miss receiving video clips in my messenger. I miss having you by my side, your hugs and kisses.
I will try and be okay, although you know very well I am faking it.
Until we are together again, Poppa bear. I love you so much.
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