10th of 365_2023

 

Imagine this.

You have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and taking medications to help you get by with life.

You take care of your husband who is partially disabled. He has spinal stenosis, COPD, and had recent heart surgery. He has very limited movement so you are supposed to be at his beck and call 24/7.

Aside from your husband, you also take care of your 7 year old grandson 3 times a week so your daughter can report on-site for her work. You don't mind watching over him, he is not that much trouble anymore, not like when he was still a toddler. 

All good? Not yet.

You still have to make meals for the family - including two adult sons who work online on night shifts. It does not need extra effort for you to care for them because they know how to fend for themselves and cook meals when they are hungry during their shift.

And then there is your sister and her adult daughter. 

They used to live in your mom's house two streets away. They share the house with your brother and his girlfriend. They had a major fight because of... cats. Yes. CATS. Your brother and his girlfriend has way too many cats that made the house messy and stinky. So what happened next?

Almost two years ago, your sister asked if they could stay in your house temporarily until she can sort things out with your brother.

It has been almost two years and they have not moved out. 

So now, you have to add them to the list of people who are totally dependent on you.

You used to love cooking...but not anymore. Why? Because you are cooking for a family with so many dietary preferences. 

Your eldest son does not eat fish. Your youngest son eats fish but is allergic to shrimps and other shellfish. Your husband does not like pork because it gives him some belly issues. Your niece cannot have beef because of a health problem. Your sister does not like fatty food. So what is left? Chicken.

But you don't eat chicken. 

Ugh. 

You do not know how to say "no." You just try and adjust even if it should not be you that should do the adjusting. You just sit and sulk and it drives you crazy. 

Your minimalist themed house now looks like a storage space. So much junk. Way too much stuff. Your weekends are spent decluttering and organizing stuff around the house. Stuff that does not even belong to you.

You have hobbies that you want to attend to. Biggest issue? Lack of time. You can not even have time to care for your own self.

If your life is like this, how would you cope?

Oh, by the way, THIS IS MY LIFE.